There are two things that underpin my adoption journey; the first is I always wanted to be a mum and the second is that I would not change a single decision in my life up to the point I met my daughter.

Growing up I was not a doll playing girly girl, I was as big a tomboy as you can be, but I would look to my mum and know I wanted to give that level of safety, love and warmth to a daughter of my own. I had no sense of my sexuality, I didn’t really have an idea of how you went about becoming a mum (I was aware dad’s were usually involved somewhere), but it was core to me. Obviously as I got older and the realisation I didn’t want to meet the boy of my dreams, presented a bit of a challenge to that, but it never took it away.

What brought me to adoption was seeing it work in my wider family and knowing that there was a child somewhere who needed a mum as much as I wanted a child. My cousin adopted first, then my sister, and as I was contemplating other avenues, I looked to them and knew that is what I wanted to do.

There are lots of hard realities that bring you and your child together. Children in care usually come out of terrible situations, and as you are pondering if this the right thing for you, going through the selection process, sitting in a room with a panel deciding if you make the mark; that child who will make you a mum, or dad, may have experienced situations you can’t even comprehend – that is why my second truth is just as important as the first, had I done something different at some stage, I would have never met a little gap-toothed girl, with a love of baked potatoes and the kindest heart of anyone I have ever known, but she would still be. Who knows where the care system would have taken her; maybe a different forever family, but maybe not, and when things were tough, when she was frustrated with me, when she was let down by someone or something, I stood, and still stand by her side even though she is now a woman, and we faced it together. I gave her someone who is always on her side, and she gave me everything.

Wendy

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